The World’s Worst Teachers

The World’s Worst Teachers by David Walliams, illustrated by Tony Ross (HarperCollins) PB RRP $18.00 ISBN 978 0008363994

Reviewed by Dianne Bates

This is an impressive book, if only because it is super-heavy (over 330 pages), with every page illustrated in full colour and swamped with repetitive and exaggerated words and often with footnotes.

‘Warning! Ten Terrifying Tales within’ it reads on the cover of David Walliams’ latest book of short stories for readers aged 8 to 12 years. The cover also reads ‘from the Number One bestselling author’ but whether this is true, or a falsehood invented by the very inventive author, is difficult to discern. There have been comparisons with Roald Dahl, but the jury is out on that statement.

Other than the size, the other first impression of this book is that the publisher has spent a small fortune on producing it -- from the gold embossing on the cover and onto the book design. Every page has words and phrases in different sized font, with some pages to be read vertically instead of horizontally.

In keeping with the humorous tone of the stories, the world’s worst teachers have names like Mr Pent, Miss Spick, Miss Seethe and Miss Conceit. Except for Mrs Lovey-Dovey, all women are Miss, which is interesting. It would seem the author has a prejudice against spinster teachers. (It would be interesting to know of his student days and his teachers…)

Walliams employs wildly, super-exaggerated humour in relating the stories, each one of which is about a thoroughly dislikeable teacher who in the end gets his or her comeuppance. In Mr and Mrs Lovey-Dovey, for instance, the couple at the start of the story are singletons teaching at the same school, and of course they fall in love. As he often does, Walliams invents words, in this case ‘puketastic’ and ‘wondermental’ (love) to describe the romance from the students’ point of view. In the course of the story, Mr and Mrs are swept far out to sea, but after the children rejoice, there’s a twist at the end of the tale.

‘In the world of horrible teachers, one in particular (stands) out for her wickedness’; this is the elderly school librarian Miss Spick who instils fear into the hearts of all the pupils at Spottingdon School. She uses her mobility scooter to ride up and down the aisles of the school library, sending pupils flying. And too, she is by far the worst librarian ever, imposing fines left, right and centre.

In keeping with the totally over-the-top prose, the illustrations are eye-catching with cartoonish teachers appearing to be wicked, frantic, fearsome, punitive and ugly. Here, on just one page, from the story ‘Miss Seethe’s Detention Rampage’, are words which are variously enclosed in speech balloons or labels: “OH, YES I CAN!” thundered the deputy head. “OH, NO YOU CAN’T!” chimed in the whole school. “OH, YES I CAN!” “OH, NO YOU CAN’T!” “OH, YES I CAN!” ‘EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM, YOU ARE ALL IN DETENTION.” ‘DETENTION RAMPAGE!’

In between all the highlighted and often repetitive words there are stories: they are full of action but are probably too long for the reluctant reader. Having said that, as most children are subversive, they are probably going to enjoy the subversive tone of the book. But whether teachers will be happy to put the book on library shelves remains to be seen.

Fing

Fing by David Walliams, illustrated by Tony Ross (HarperCollins) PB RRP $19.95 ISBN 9780008349080 

Reviewed by Dianne Bates

Walliams, the UK multi-million best-selling author, is being touted as the ‘worthy successor’ to Roald Dahl (Telegraph). Certainly, there are similarities in that his books featuring exaggerated characters, are fast-paced, highly imaginative and often funny. Unlike Dahl, Walliams frequently relies on lists (in this book, lists of possessions, jungle animals, and so on). Fing is also filled with typographical extravaganzas and pages of zany and eccentric illustrations by the very talented Tony Ross. On reflection, Dahl seems to be the master and Walliams his acolyte, whether intentional or not.

Fing features Myrtle Meek who is anything but meek, though her librarian parents are certainly meek in name and temperament. They are hugely indulgent of their only child who is a total brat, never satisfied with what they do for her or what they give her. They’ve indulged her wants so much that Myrtle doesn’t know what else she wants except ‘a fing’. Not knowing what a ‘fing’ is, Mr and Mrs Meek venture into the lower vaults of their library where they find The Monsterpedia, a hard copy form of Google. There they find that a fing is to be found in the deepest part of the jungle.

The story switches to Mr Meek’s exploits, overcoming all kinds of dangers, to locate a fing. He brings it back to Myrtle, only to find she already has one (found in the local pet shop). The fing turns out to be every bit – even more – demanding than Myrtle. By book’s end, Myrtle’s parents have what they ought to have had from the start – peace and quiet.

There’s no doubt that readers aged 7 to 11 years will savour this book, even chuckling aloud at the exploits of a child who has everything, not just her parents’ total devotion and attention, but every possession possible. Any kid’s dream! Like Dahl, Walliams has his finger on the pulse of childhood.

The Ice Monster

The Ice Monster by David Walliams, illustrated by Tony Ross (Harper Collins) PB RRP $22.99
ISBN 9780008297244

Reviewed by Kylie Buckley

The Ice Monster is a middle grade fiction novel set in London in 1899. The protagonist, Elsie, is a kind-hearted 10-year-old orphan who has lived at Wormly Hall: Home for Unwanted Children all her life. After being constantly and severely mistreated by the iniquitous old Mrs Curdle, who manages the orphanage, Elsie decides to escape to ‘anywhere but here.’

Elsie then lives on the streets and fends for herself. Her new-found freedom, and sneaky tricks, allows her daily access to the National History Museum to relish in the wonders of the world. Big news soon hits London that an Ice Monster will be arriving from the Arctic to be exhibited at the museum! Elsie sees its photo on the front page of the newspapers and feels an instant connection as it looks ‘lost and alone’…’an orphan’…’just like me’. She follows the news daily until the perfectly preserved woolly mammoth, found frozen in a huge slab of ice, arrives. Elsie immediately and unequivocally adores it.

Elsie comes up with an idea to bring the prehistoric creature to back to life.  With the assistance of a newly found ally (Dotty the museum cleaner) and an egocentric museum Professor they put their strategy into action. A hilarious adventure and plenty of mishaps ensue, including a list of entertaining characters and some enemies intent on foiling Elsie’s plans for ‘Woolly’.

481 pages including 78 chapters may, at first, seem overwhelming for younger readers, however; with a quick flick through the pages they’ll soon discover lots of monochrome pictures, big spacing between lines and plenty of onomatopoeia in large bold font throughout the book. The Ice Monster is highly recommended for children aged 8+ who enjoy humorous adventures. For those of you familiar with Walliams work and curious… yes, Raj makes an appearance!

Boa’s Bad Birthday

Boa’s Bad Birthday by Jeanne Willis, illustrated by Tony Ross (Koala Books)

PB RRP $14.99

ISBN 978-1-74276-095-7

Reviewed by Jenny Heslop

Boa is excited about his birthday. He has invited all of his jungle friends and is looking forward to the presents. But as he opens each one, his disappointment grows. The gifts seem to be more suited to his friends than to him. Sloth brings him a hairbrush when Boa has no hair to brush! Jaguar brings him some brightly coloured mittens, but Boa has no hands!

Although disappointed, Boa is a polite snake and thanks each friend nicely. His mother reminds him, ‘it’s the thought that counts’. Then Dung Beetle brings his last gift. It is the worst of the lot. Or is it?

This is a story about seeing the value in something you may first dismiss as useless. And Boa learns this lesson gently with a loving mother by his side. The repetitive rhythm within the story is perfect for preschoolers and the element of guessing what is inside each well wrapped gift will engage these young readers. 

Tony Ross has an instantly recognisable illustration style, particularly in his people and trees. The warmth of the mother and the excitement of Boa’s friends as they give, what they think is the perfect gift, comes thorough strongly in the pictures. The emotion of the story is in these illustrations. Ross has illustrated over 800 books which are published worldwide. His Little Princess stories are very popular with young girls and is now an animated television series.

Jeanne Willis is a successful and well known picture book author and has written many prize winning stories.

The Secret Seven series

The Secret Seven series by Enid Blyton, illustrated by Tony Ross (Hodder/Hachette)
PB RRP $9.99
Reviewed by Hilary Smillie

The Secret Seven novels, second in popularity to Enid Blyton's Famous Five, were first published in 1949 and have remained continuously in print. There are fifteen books in the series and I am reviewing the first seven which, I think, is a most appropriate number.

Tony Ross' lively illustrations will appeal to young 21st century readers and in addition to each adventure story there is the bonus of extra stories, a quiz, insights into Blyton's life and details of how fans of the Secret Seven can form their own secret club. I wondered at the start whether modern Australian children would find these stories enjoyable and addictive. Will they be eager to read on?

Enid Blyton has been accused of a limited vocabulary in her works and certainly I discovered that she uses a number of words repetitively; there is a great amount of author intrusion; and children will find that the characters are allowed a great deal more freedom than is the norm for today. But with regard to the latter factor, her stories would be very much diminished as the freedom is a necessary and exciting ingredient. The consumption of the sugary food the Seven eat will no doubt appeal, too (though not the penchant for sardine sandwiches!).

Blyton's style might be somewhat dated, but she has a genius of creating adventures from very simple settings. Bringing seven characters to life with individual traits is no easy task, but generally she brings it off. Along with several black and white drawings within each story, Tony Ross has included portraits of the members of the Secret Seven and Scamper the golden spaniel (I guess it is a cocker spaniel) on the back cover, which will help kids to relate to the characters,

A few of the club members tend to be somewhat one-dimensional but most are strong characters, particularly Peter, the club's leader, and Blyton has captured wonderfully the way kids interact with each other. The rudeness, bossiness, loyalty, friendship, quarrels and teamwork reflect typical behaviour. On many occasions, the repetitiveness and author intrusion cements each step of the adventure. The importance of Scamper is an endearing touch.

The members of the gang, Peter, Janet, Jack, Barbara, Pam, Colin and George plus Scamper, all meet in the garden shed at the home of Peter and his sister Janet. Peter and Janet had come up with the idea of a secret society, with its S.S. button badge each child wears, and the use of a password before admittance to the shed. They have made it comfortable with cushions etc and a lot of the fun is generated by having plenty of food and drink to consume. This information is repeated in various ways in the first two chapters of each novel. Jack's sister Susie who badly wants to belong to the society, adds extra conflict to each story with her interfering ways. Somehow the children manage to track down criminals faster than the local police who are ever-grateful.

Book 1. The Secret Seven (ISBN 9781444913439). When the children return from making snowmen in a field opposite an old house, Jack discovers he has lost his badge. As Peter can get very annoyed when rules are broken, he goes back to the field that night to find it. While there, a van with two men pulls up outside the house and then he hears high pitched noises and the sound of the men panting as if in some kind of a struggle. Jack had hidden behind a hedge, and starts to feel afraid, so at the first opportunity, he heads home as fast as he can.

Thus begins the Secret Seven's first investigation, and although some may be clever enough to guess what is going on at the house, it nevertheless has been written with plenty of intrigue and suspense which will keep the reader turning the pages.

Book 2. Secret Seven Adventure (ISBN 9781444913446). This adventure has the Secret Seven on the trail of a jewel thief. The background setting is a circus which makes it even more fun to read. Blyton's imagination and story-telling skills are employed to great effect.

Book 3. Well Done, Secret Seven (ISBN 9781444913453). A runaway boy with a kitten who seeks refuge in the tree the Secret Seven are temporarily using as a base in the hot weather, instigates another assignment for Peter and Co. I found this storyline implausible. It seemed to me absurd that a small boy would not have been taken back to e.g. Peter and Janet's house for safety reasons, but instead, left to sleep up in a tree. But children will probably view it as an extra thrilling and scary element.

Book 4. Secret Seven on the Trail (ISBN 9781444913460). This story has a lot of intriguing elements. Jack's annoying sister, Susie, forms her own club and fools the Seven into investigating imaginary crooks at Tigger’s Barn. However, the Secret Seven discover something is going on there and set out to unravel the mystery connected to stolen goods. Some of their antics around the train line are potentially dangerous but Blyton's characters are sensible and come to no harm.

Book 5. Go Ahead, Secret Seven (ISBN 9781444913477). The seven decide to practice their sleuthing skills, but unfortunately George who is given the task of shadowing, is pounced on himself. A nasty young man marches him home and complains about George's behaviour. Poor George is immediately banned from the club by his father. I found this parallel dilemma a good ploy, although the way it came about highly improbable. Nevertheless, it leads to the club members discovering a dog stealing racket. Solving it proves perilous but once again all turns out well in the end, especially for George.

Book 6. Good Work, Secret Seven (ISBN 9781444913484) Peter and Janet are in the back seat of their dad's car when it is stolen, then abandoned. Bringing the perpetrators to justice is a challenging and dangerous task for the Seven. Blyton ramps up interest by setting it around Guy Fawkes night preparations, complete with fireworks and bonfire. A safety code at the end of the chapter list cautions children and is a thoughtful addition.

Book 7. The Secret Seven Win Through (ISBN 9781444913491). While the Secret Seven's shed is being painted, the children use a cave, which Scamper discovered, as their new meeting place. But someone else is using it at night, eating their supplies and messing up their carefully arranged belongings. At first the club members think Susie has somehow found their cave and taken books and cushions away, but they are wrong. Step by step the children discover the real culprits and why they are using their cave which has another entrance. Once again Blyton uses background to hook children and give them enormous reading pleasure.

Summing up, I can see why this series is so successful despite dated/English elements and overuse of particular words. Blyton is a magical storyteller. She knows what thrills children and no doubt at the time she was producing her work, her stories brightened the severity of life in post-war England. She also manages to unobtrusively weave in moral issues - respect for elders, work before play, fairness and forgiveness of which many parents would whole-heartedly approve. To date over 500 million copies of Enid Blyton books have been sold, outselling any other children's author. That's a good enough recommendation for me.